Mad House
by slowrabbits
Summary: Welcome to the home of the insane. / Chapter 4: Sakura had always hurt Naruto and he was pretty much used to it. But this betrayal he wouldn't let slide. He'd finally had enough.
1. Bonding

**Author's Note: **Welp. I've been wanting to do a collection of drabbles for Team Seven living together for quite some time now. And I want to take a break from the srs/depressing writing because I don't want people to think that I don't have a fun (?) side.

**Disclaimer**: IDNON

_**Summary: **_With their busy schedules, Naruto and Sakura don't have time to bond the conventional way.

* * *

_**Bonding**_

__

**"MY LOVVVVVVVVVVE-"**

The atrocious noise came from an extremely loud, falsely deep voice and it was the first thing Sasuke heard that fine, Sunday morning, the morning of one of his oh so precious days off. It was Naruto, of course, singing bright and early. And from the echoes of his voice, it seemed as if the knucklehead was singing in the shower again.

_For the love of Kami-sama, _Sasuke mentally groaned as he rolled over to face away from his bedroom door, as if the action would somehow lessen the noise. This was his first day off in _three months. _Three fucking months and the moron couldn't choose some other godforsaken day to curse the world with his obnoxious singing.

**"THERE'S ONLY YOU IN MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIFE. THE ONLY THING THAT'S RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT."**

At this point, Sasuke was just about ready to weep from the incredible unfairness on his part. He just wanted to sleep in, god damn it. After the last three months of non-stop missions that ran the gamut from tedious D-ranks to the much more tiresome A-ranks, was one peaceful morning so much to ask for? Wasn't it just last night that he returned home from a five-day journey from Iwagakure after chasing some stupid thieves who stole some scroll of 'big fucking deal' content? _Motherfucker._

**"MY FIRST LOVE. YOU'RE EVERY BREATH THAT I TAAAAAAAAAAAAKE. YOU'RE EVERY STEP I MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"**

Hold on.

That was a girl's voice. More importantly, that was _Sakura'_s voice. In the shower. Which Naruto was occupying. What the _fuck_ was _his girlfriend _doing in the shower with that blond dead-last at six in the bloody morning?

**"AND IIIIIIIIII-"**

**"-IIIIIIIIII-"**

**"I WANT TO SHARE-"**

**"-ALL MY LOVVVVVVE-"**

**"-WITH YOUUUUUUUU. NO ONE ELSSSSSSSSSE WILL DOOOOOOOOOOO."**

Abruptly seeing red, Sasuke shoved off the pillow over his head and threw off the sheets wrapped around his body after his overactive imagination produced an image of Sakura rubbing soap all over Naruto. Using her body. Honestly, was today Let's Get Sasuke In A Bad Mood day? Why the hell was his girlfriend in the shower with his idiotic bestfriend, singing an off-key version of My Endless Love? And why the fuck were they doing it on his freaking Sleep In day off? Didn't they have the decency to betray him _at least _after one in the afternoon when his brain was fully functional?

**"AND YOUR EYES-"**

**"-YOUR EYES, YOUR EYES!"**

**"THEY SHOW ME HOW MUCH YOU CAAAAAAAAAAARE. OHHHHHHHH YESSSSSS."**

Sasuke slammed his bedroom door behind him and stomped down to the only bathroom in the apartment with blood in his eyes. The bathroom door was not locked, not even properly shut. It was slightly ajar, as if taunting him to come in and have an eyeful of what transpired inside. Not that a locked door could keep Sasuke Uchiha out in the first place. Oh, he was _so _going to deliver that dobe's ass to him on a fucking platter. And then he'd make Sakura... do something bad.

But, you know, nothing too horrible because Sasuke loved Sakura. And, okay, he was also internally frightened of her.

**"YOU WILL ALWAYS BEEEEEEEE-"**

**"MY ENDLESS LOVVVVVVVVVE!"**

Sasuke would contemplate later why he had waited for the pair inside to finish the first verse of the godforsaken song before he took action. Maybe it was because he didn't _want _to see Sakura and Naruto sliding their wet bodies together under the hot spray of the shower.

An even more disturbing scenario was of the two comparing Sasuke and Naruto's anatomy. What if -what if the dobe had a bigger package than him?

_"Sasuke's junk is so much smaller."_

_"That's all it is, Sakura-chan- junk!"_

_"Oh, Naruto-kun. You're so funny. And so much more cool and sexy. Not to mention you're so much more of a man than Sasuke."_

_"Oh, Sakura-chan,"_

_"Naruto-kun,"_

_"Sakura-chan,"_

_"Naruto-kun!"_

_"Sakura-chan!"_

The mental image of Naruto and Sakura engaging in a tender embrace proved to be too much for the Uchiha who got increasingly agitated by his suddenly overactive imagination. Quickly, before anxiety took over his driving rage, Sasuke used his foot to kick the door open with so much force that it's knob slammed against the wall so hard that it crushed the tile on it.

He couldn't tell who was more shocked. Certainly, the inhabitants of the bathroom sounded surprised enough with the ear-splitting sqeals that ended their song (Sasuke couldn't believe that the dobe actually squealed like a pig getting slaughtered). But Sasuke was no less surprised (although he did forgo the squealing) when he saw that he _hadn't _walked in on the most cliché scene his fevered mind had conjured up.

There was Naruto in front of the sink with a towel wrapped securely around his waist and shaving cream smothered all over his jaw and cheek. His razor had fallen onto the floor during the little shock Sasuke caused.

Obsidian eyes traveled towards Sakura who was positioned beside Naruto, her hand tightly gripping the blond's shoulder for support as one shapely leg was propped up on the sink. On the raised leg was some unidentifiable goo which Sasuke paid no heed. He was too absorbed in the fact that Sakura was clad in nothing but a small T shirt and what could have been laughingly called panties.

Since his sleep-addled mind could not process the tableau- which looked like a sick parody of sex- before him, Sasuke shook his head. "Exactly _what,_" he hissed "is going on here?"

It was Naruto who answered. "You mean aside from you scaring the shit out of me and Sakura-chan?" he complained loudly, "I'm shaving, if it isn't obvious enough. And Sakura-chan is... what did you call that again, Sakura-chan?"

The girl in question rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. "Waxing, Naruto." she provided. "I was waxing my legs until for some unknown reason, my precious Sasuke-kun burst in here and, as Naruto said, scared the shit out of us."

It was Sasuke's turn now to roll his eyes at Sakura's pointed glare, but it didn't quite do it's job of looking menacing since his face had been screwed up in confusion. "Why?"

"Why am I waxing? Um... Because I don't think my boyfriend would want me to have hairy legs. And because leg hair itches when the weather's warm."

The Uchiha snorted with indignity. "I meant why do you have to do this together?"

"To bond, believe it!" the blond Jinchuuriki cried happily before going back to carefully running the razor over his face.

Sakura laughed. "While it is true that Naruto and I like to bond over body hair removal tasks, we're only doing this for convenience. See, Naruto takes so long in the shower and I have to wait more than an hour to be able to use the bathroom. Since I don't realy have time for that, we agreed on this schedule. I brush my teeth and all that other fun stuff while he's taking a bath so I'm doing something productive while he uses my strawberry-scented bathing products."

"Well why the fuck are you half-naked?" Sasuke asked in a frustrated tone, irritated at their logic.

Sakura briefly looked down at herself as if she just realized the fact that she wasn't wearing any pants. "For starters, I can't shave my legs if they're in sweatpants." she retorted smartly, pleased when her boyfriend growled at her teasing. "And secondly, Naruto has seen me in _way _more revealing clothing, haven't you, Naruto?" she said, affectionately pinching his wet cheek before smacking her lips against the reddened spot.

"It's true, believe it! I've seen Sakura-chan's goods!" his best friend jovialy proclaimed, slinging an arm around the grinning pinkette's shoulders, his _stupid _grin looking all the more retarded with half of his jaw covered with shaving cream.

A vein twitched in Sasuke's forehead and he feared that it might pop. "What?"

Sakura glanced up from her leg which she just applied the waxing paper onto and grinned at the black-haired man. "Sasuke-kun, you sound jealous." the girl said accusingly, but she chuckled.

When the Uchiha growled again, Naruto joined in on the mockery. "Do you hear that, Sakura-chan? Sasuke-chan is jeaaaaaaaaaalous that I've seen the goods!"

This encouraged a giggle out of Sakura. "Oh, don't look at us like that, Sasuke-kun. Naruto's like my baby brother - or my annoying little dog. It's not like he eye rapes me or anything. Besides, are you forgetting that he has his own girlfriend?" she asked before ripping the strip off her leg, effectively uprooting all the hair under it. "Itaiiiiiiiii~ That hurts every damn time," she commented with a wince as she rubbed a hand over the sore spot.

Still a bit more than miffed, Sasuke nonchalantly picked her off the ground and slung her over his shoulder. This made the pink-haired girl cry out in protest. "Sasuke-kun!" she gasped, "What are you doing?"

Sasuke ignored her objections and the angry slaps that beat against his back. He held on to her revealed thighs and barely managed to supress his smirk. "Since you went through all that trouble and pain of waxing your legs, I figured it would be just right of me to take the time to appreciate the effort." he said lightly befoe aiming a sharp glare at his best friend. "You look at my girlfriend's 'goods' one more time, I'm putting your dick in a blender." With that, Sasuke gripped the doorknob and slammed the door behind him. He barely heard the blond's exclaimed, "You and Sai need to stop obsessing over my penis!"

* * *

Thoughts? Suggestions?


	2. Confused

**A/N: **-queue guitar riff- Another chapter~ Yay! The updates aren't as coming as quickly as I want them to be, but like I said; my muse is a fickle bitch.

**Disclaimer:** IDNON

**Summary:** Sai has a fever and a very confusing night.

* * *

_**Confused**_

To say that Sai was confused when he woke up was an understatement.

If he were Naruto (which he wasn't, because unlike the blond ninja, Sai had a perfectly functional, generously sized penis), he would say that he was so confused that he could just vomit. But of course Sai wouldn't say that. He didn't think confusion could really make a man vomit. But he _was absurdly_ riddled. And he _did _feel so nauseous that he could vomit.

It had started out innocently enough.

Sai was sick. A fever. (_Poor baby_, Sakura had cooed when she found him on the sofa, curled up in a fetal position.) He was burning up and his head felt ridiculously heavy, as if it was filled with water. His throat burned and his stomach was in knots. He felt weak and frail and completely burned out.

The medic nin then proceeded to help him up, all the while giving him reassurances that she would take care of him. Gosh, Sakura had been awfully (and uncharacteristically) nice to him, now that he thought about it, but maybe the spur of kindness was just due to the healer in her that took pity on anyone sick. She lead him into her bedroom and made him lie down on her bed. Sai contemplated asking Sakura if she had sexual intentions towards him (since he'd once been told by Naruto that a woman did not bring a guy to her bed unless it was "to get down and dirty", which Sai understood was something pertaining to sexual intercourse) but vetoed the idea, since Sakura babbled on about how he should stay in her room tonight while she disinfected his room, which was no doubt infested with sickness causing bacteria now, and that she could stay in Sasuke's room. Sai had thought that there was surely nothing sexual in that, and that it had been really nice of Sakura to do him that favor. Then she punched him ("_Thank you, ugly_") and profusely apologized for doing so.

Then Sai was left alone in her room, on her bed, under a heavy comforter. Sakura had tucked him in and told him that she was going out for a while to buy him some chicken soup and some disinfectant, and to borrow (steal) some medicine from the hospital where she worked. Sai nodded weakly. Sakura turned the lights off and advised him to go to sleep ("_I'll wake you up when I get back._") and then she was gone.

Sai was woken not fifty minutes later to the feeling of greedy kisses on his throat. That had been well and truly mystifying indeed. Can you see now why Sai was confused? Sakura was kissing him to wakefulness. Sai had read somewhere that couples often woke each other with affectionate actions like kissing, heavy petting or even sex, but he and Sakura were not of a couple. She and _Sasuke-kun _were a couple, though. If the hag was supposed to be kissing someone awake, it really ought to be Sasuke-kun. But that wouldn't be possible, since Sasuke-kun was out on a mission right now.

Still.

To Sai's understanding, a woman or man in a relationship was not allowed to kiss and/or engage in coitus with someone other than their partner, especially during the absence of the partner. Yes, he'd seen Sakura kiss Naruto (on the lips, mind you, and in front of Sasuke-kun, too), but he understood that was a show of platonic affection from a friend to another. He and Sakura _were _friends, but not like she and Naruto were. And this was getting way too sexual for a friendly kiss.

Relationships were very confusing.

But Sakura's kissing did not stop. In fact, they only seemed to get more heated, as she was now sucking on a juncture between his shoulder and collarbone. It occurred to him that he ought to ask Sakura to stop, because he found that he didn't like getting kissed by her, but all thoughts flew out the window (along with his modestly) when her sinful tongue started to lick a fire under his skin. Her ministrations were not pleasant, but they weren't revolting, too.

Sai's hands unconsciously found themselves tangled into Sakura's hair. Strange, it seemed... shorter. He slipped his hands to her shoulders which seemed... broader. When her body pressed against his, he waited for the feel of soft breasts against his chest, but it did not come. He knew that Ino-san occasionally pointed out the painfully obvious fact that Sakura was on the, er, flatter side of breast ville, but this was puzzling. There was nothing but hard muscles against Sai's torso.

A hand crawled up his belly to roam the expanse of his chest. The hand was restless, _seeking. _Like it was expecting something to grab onto. Surely Sakura did not expect to find a breast to fondle? Wasn't Sakura supposed to be a medic who was knowledgeable of male anatomy? And why was-

Then suddenly, the light burned overhead. Disoriented, Sai blinked bleary eyes to focus on a person who stood by the door.

It was Sakura.

She was by the door.

But then, who...

Sai turned his face to look at the person who had been molesting for the past minutes.

Maybe it was the fever, but was Sai truly seeing Sasuke-kun on top of him?

* * *

Sakura blinked.

She came home from her run to the hospital (where she successfully palmed some fever mediation) and the grocery store (ingredients for chicken soup and some disinfectant) and found Sai was exactly where she'd left him an hour ago.

And on top of him was Sasuke.

She blinked again, watching the men turn to face each other.

Then Sasuke screamed. A manly, short scream, but a scream nonetheless.

Then he fell to the floor in a thud, after he scrambled off Sai in panic.

Sakura blinked again, unsure if she was just having a naughty day dream. Wouldn't be the first time. Especially after she'd seen Konohamaru's _Otokonoko Dōshi no Jutsu_.

But this was no henge.

Then she started laughing hysterically.

* * *

Sasuke contemplated killing himself.

He was absolutely sick to his stomach.

He'd come home two days earlier than expected from his mission and had been craving Sakura. He had been, ever since he left. So he let himself into the apartment, grateful that it was well past midnight and that everyone was asleep. He quietly made his way into Sakura's room and found a figure bundled under a comforter. He figured that it had been his girlfriend who was asleep under there and he grinned as he thought of ways to perk her up and make her give him a warm welcome home.

So he crawled in next to her, over her and started to kiss. Touch, explore, caress. But then, everything seemed... off. Sakura was hard instead of smooth, long instead of petite and deathly cold instead of warm. And last time he checked, his girlfriend had at least some boobage to speak of, but tonight, it seemed she had none. Nothing but hard pectoral muscles and flat nipples. And then her normally delicate hands were big and calloused as they splayed over his neck.

Then the light came on, mindless lust flew away as consciousness came back.

Sakura stood frozen,_ blinking _by the door.

Sasuke was sososoverymuch afraid to discover the oddity he'd mistaken for her. But he swallowed the lump in his throat and turned his head a fraction.

Sai.

The goddamn Martian/social retard who seemed obsessed with Naruto's penis.

Sweet baby Jesus Christ in Heaven, _help him._

Or at the very least, strike him with lightning.

* * *

Sai sat up on the bed and stared down at the flustered Uchiha sputtering on the floor. Strange, very strange indeed.

"I did not know that your preference turned to men, Sasuke-kun." Sai commented flatly, wishing that Sasuke would just get up already because he looked very foolish on the floor. "But I must apologize, for I do not share your sentiments."

This made Sakura double over.

Sasuke glared at him.

"Stop it." Sasuke hissed at Sakura. Then he turned back to Sai. "Never speak of this. Ever. Or I'll murder you."

Sasuke got up and grabbed his girlfriend by the elbow, no doubt to ravish her in his room until she accepted that he boyfriend really was straight. It looked like Sakura had died and gone to fangirl heaven.

Sai fell back onto Sakura's sweet-smelling pillows. His migraine was worse, but it seemed he'd have to be content with sleeping his fever off, for now.

Still confused, he waited for sleep to claim him.

* * *

**A/N: **AHAHAHAHAHAHA. That was fun to write. This wasn't supposed to be the next chapter I was going to post, but I was so eager to write it and I ended up finishing it instead of the original chapter 2.

Tell me what you guys thought?


	3. Interruptions

**A.N.:** So here's another chapter. Sorry the updates aren't coming any faster. I've observed that inspiration hits me during the most inconvenient times (i.e., At 3 AM or during school hours). Nasty, nasty habit of my muse. Anyway, enjoy. I always get a kick out of writing these things.

**Disclaimer**: IDNON

**Summary**: Hinata visits Naruto after a month of seperation. But with the rest of Team Seven effectively cockblocking them, the couple can't have the reunion they wanted.

* * *

_**Interruptions**_

The Team Seven apartment was in chaos. From the moment Hinata came through the door, she was greeted with muddy shoes abandoned by the threshold. Near them were big packs, tent bags and sleep rolls which seemed as if they'd been lazily discarded as carelessly as the shoes. On the dining table were numerous maps and files weighed down by a mug of stale coffee and a katana, of all things. Random drawers were pulled out from their slots and lefts on the ground, their contents scattered all around them. What looked suspiciously like muddy dog prints decorated the living room carpet.

Used to strict cleanliness and absolute order, Hinata shuddered. She reckoned that four men living together was bound to result in messes like this, but she knew that Sasuke was a meticulously neat man and that Sai and Kakashi didn't care for mess. Naruto _was _infamously unorganized, but Sakura would never let her house fall victim to Naruto's untidiness. But then again, the medic did have a lot on her plate, what with having double shifts at the hospital and having to come home to her housemates who always presented her with a new problem every day, like little kids awaiting mommy's solution to everything. This had not been what Hinata Hyuuga had in mind when she ventured out of the Hyuuga Compound that morning to visit her favorite blond after he'd come home from his month-long mission with his team mates.

Although the Hyuuga were a dull and irritating bunch to live with, Hinata preferred them to the unholy bedlam of Team Seven.

"Oh, hey, Hinata-chan," came a feminine voice from her left. Turning, Hinata was met with the sight of Sakura, arms laden with medical supplies. Even with her frazzled appearance, the pink-haired kunoichi had a bright smile on her lips.

"H-Hello, Sakura-chan." Hinata began carefully, "Um... What went on in here?"

Sakura looked around, almost as if appreciating the whole mess. "My team mates happened." she said. "We just got back from our mission. Kakashi-sensei is in a foul mood because of his injury. I've sentenced your boyfriend to remain the day in his room for playing with Kakashi's filthy dogs _in the house _and then I've yet to deal with Sasuke-kun, who wants to hack pieces off Sai who claimed that Sasuke was 'shooting blanks'." Sakura shook her head in amusement. "Just another day in paradise." she murmured blissfully.

Hinata glanced around once more. "Looks like you have your hands full. Do you need any help?"

"Thanks, but I've got it. And anyway, you don't want to get involved. My boys are crazy. Why don't you go entertain Naruto? He's bound to go insane for being cooped up in his room for so long now." Sakura said, turning away from the Hyuuga heiress to seek out her injured sensei.

"SAKURA-CHAAAAAAAAN," a boisterous voice called out from the direction of Naruto's bedroom. Even the door could not muffle the yell of the Jinchuuriki. "PLEASE LET ME OUT NOW. I'LL BE VERY GOOD AND WON'T PLAY WITH THE NINKEN ANYMORE! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEEASE, SAKURA-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

Sakura threw her head back and laughed. "What do you see in that child?" she wondered jokingly. "Anyway, I have to go patch up the old man. We can catch up later, yeah? I heard Shikamaru and Ino are shopping for an apartment." Without waiting for Hinata's reply, Sakura sauntered off to Kakashi's room with her medical supplies.

Excited to finally be reunited with her boyfriend, Hinata wandered over to Naruto's room. Without bothering to knock, Hinata let herself in and grinned ear to ear when she found the light of her life, sitting cross-legged at the center or his bed, facing away from the door. She could just imagine that juvenile pout on his face. His hair was wet from his shower and he only wore a pair of ridiculously cute yellow boxers with bowls of ramen decorating it. Never minding the tacky-looking underwear, Hinata focused on the rippling back muscles of her love, as he hunched over a pillow, baking in the misery of being confined to his room due to bad behavior.

"Hello, Naruto-kun," Hinata called out softly.

Like a wolf scenting his mate, Naruto's head whipped around. After a moment of confused hesitation, an eager grin cracked his face, making the Hyuuga heiress's heart pound against her ribs. Swiftly, Naruto hopped off the bed and enveloped his girlfriend in a bone-crushing hug.

"Hinata-chan!" he cried happily against her hair. A blush crept up Hinata's neck. She loved it when he said her name like that. _Hee-no-to-chon. _"Oh, man, I'm so glad to see you! You have no idea how much I wanted to get out of here to come to you." After he squeezed the breath out of her one last time, he pushed her away, his hands latched onto her shoulders as he inspected her form intensely, making Hinata blush. "Damn, you're hotter than you were a month ago!" he proclaimed before engaging her in a heated kiss.

Feeling light-headed, Hinata crushed herself against the blond some more. It was so great to see him after such a long time apart. She'd felt so lonely since she didn't really feel particularly sociable after he left, and consequently, had refrained from seeking out her other friends for the month Naruto was gone. It was nice to have him back where he belonged. Cheesy as it sounded, Hinata's world just didn't feel right when she had to be away from the love of her life, even if it was for the sake of a mission.

She didn't know when her back touched his bed, or when he'd peeled her jacket off, but she didn't really care that much, since his fingers were igniting a fire inside her, one she hadn't felt in too long to count. Naruto expertly sucked on a spot behind Hinata's ear, all the while navigating the planes of her stomach with his clever, calloused fingers. Breathless and overwhelmed with wanton feelings, Hinata arched up to better meet his touch.

"Dobe."

The gruff murmur bought the couple out of their lust-induced trance. Hinata yelped and flushed a deep red. The man above her angrily snapped his head up to snarl at the intruder. They didn't even hear the door open. "Teme!" Naruto growled. "What the fuck? Can't you see we're busy here?"

Sasuke glared, but it didn't look quite threatening since a light pink blush dusted the area over his nose. "Loser. Don't pretend I even want to be here. Sakura's asking for her air freshener."

Swearing profusely, Naruto hopped off Hinata's form and flew around his room, desperately trying to find the spray he borrowed. Hinata sat up, did her best to right her appearance before stealing a glance at the unwanted visitor.

_At least he had the decency to look embarrassed, _Hinata mentally remarked. Sasuke stood by the doorway, looking slightly sick and plenty flustered. It wasn't long until Naruto unearthed the can of pine-scented spray under a mountain of laundry and smartly threw it at his best friend's face. Sasuke caught the aerosol and wisely fled the Jinchuuriki's room.

Heavily exasperated, Naruto rejoined Hinata on the bed, sitting directly in front of her with his legs folded in a pretzel. With a sigh, Naruto rubbed the back of his neck in an abashed gesture. "Sorry 'bout that." he grumbled a shy, apologetic grin on his lips. "Teme was raised by fucking wolves, and has even less manners than I do."

Hinata giggled. She took her boyfriend's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I-It's fine, okay? Don't worry about it." she said gently. "I'm j-just really happy you're back."

Naruto smiled wildly, brightly. "Really?"

"Really."

"That's good. Because I missed you a hell lot." the blond cried.

His proclamation chased Hinata's romantic heart to a gallop. "I missed you, too."

Her boyfriend's grin turned just one level below lecherous. "So does that mean you're still up for doing it?"

Hinata almost sighed at how unromantic it sounded, but stopped herself, nodded instead.

Naruto pounced on her yet again, but not before one last leering grin.

Neither of them could comprehend how fast and heated things were escalating. The desire to explore each other after four insufferable weeks of seperation was all-consuming, leaving no room for rational thought. At one point, Hinata was as naked as she was the day she was born and Naruto had lost his incredibly ridiculous boxers and he was moving inside her and she felt she'd explode from the ecstasy of it all.

But then-

_Knock knock. _"Naruto?"_Bang bang. _"Hinata?"

The lovers froze, eyes wide as saucers that stared dazedly at Naruto's bedroom door.

It was Naruto who first came out of his stupor. "Sakura-chan?" he asked. "Dammit, what do you want?" he yelled.

"Don't be rude, Naruto-kun," Hinata admonished lightly, even though she, too, was getting a bit upset at all the interruption.

In true Naruto fashion, the blond pulled out, scrambled up and tugged his underwear back on. Seeing him head for the door, Hinata sensibly covered herself with his sheets.

His whole body vibrating with fury, Naruto twisted his door knob and yanked the door open, almost sending it flying out of its hinges. "_WHAT_?" he cried angrily.

Sakura's eyes widened at his harsh tone. Never in their acquaintance has Naruto yelled at her. "Um. I just wanted to see if you guys needed anything." she said in a small voice. "Sasuke mentioned-"

"Don't bring me into this, Sakura." came a snippy command from the living area.

"-that you and Hinata looked ready to bounce on each other, and I remebered that Sai poked holes into your condoms and I thought you ought to know, since, you know, unprotected sex is dangerous and so, so risky-" Sakura rantted on in a mortified voice.

"It's not like he has a penis to put condoms on," Sai regarded drolly from his seat on the living room sofa as he perused an old magazine. "He just purchases the condoms to feel better about his lack of a dick."

Eye twitching, whole body flushing a deep red, Naruto gripped the brass knob harder, his fingers denting the metal. "SAI! IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MY DICK, I'M GONNA FUCKING MURDER YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME? CHOKE YOU TO DEATH WITH WITH SAKURA'S BIG, BLACK DILDO AND FUCKING FEED YOUR WORTHLESS BODY TO SNAKES WHEN YOU'RE DEAD. I SWEAR TO KAMI-SAMA I WILL DO ALL THAT _AFTER I HAVE SEX. __**USING MY **__**HUGE**__** PENIS.**_"

The door slammed shut. Like a wounded animal, Naruto staggered back to his bed, where his girlfriend watched him, looking embarrassed, amused and annoyed.

"So..." he started."You wanna take this back to your place?"

* * *

In the living room, Sakura, Sai and Sasuke sat around the coffee table, two of them looking a little red in the face. All of them watched wordlessly as Naruto dragged a harried-looking Hinata out of the apartment, no doubt to engage in more preferable activities somewhere they wouldn't be bothered.

Sasuke was first to break the silence. "Do you really own a big, black dildo?" he asked Sakura.

Sakura pushed up from her seat, agitatedly pacing. "This is bad. Naruto yelled at me. For being tactless and interrupting his sexy time with Hinata-chan." she moaned "I am a bad friend."

"You _do_ have a big, black dildo." Sasuke accused his girlfriend, her avoidance of his question not sitting well with him.

"I think it is a good act of friendsip to warn your friend that his chosen form of birth control is damaged." Sai tonelessly told Sakura.

"Why would you even have a big, black dildo?" Sasuke asked in the most troubled tone he could manage, his panic at his girlfriend preferring pleasure from a sex toy than himself eating at him. How could she find more pleasure from a sex toy? She had sex with _The _Sasuke Uchiha on an almost regular basis. What more could a girl want?

"You seem overly obsessed with Sakura-san's big, black dildo." Sai observed, treating the seething Uchiha with one of his fake smiles. "Perhaps you wish to borrow it?"

Hearing this made Sakura stop mid step. Her gaze flickered to her boyfriend's face and she saw black rage contorting his features. She knew how sensitive Sasuke got to references of his (non-existent) homosexuality, especially after that steamy make-out session with Sai. Memories of it still made Sakura's nose bleed profusely. To Sai, she said in a grave voice: "Run,"

The pale man wisely vanished in a cloud of smoke.

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**A**.**N**.: Review? :D


	4. Betrayal

**A/N :** Thank you so much for all the support! I squeal over every review, every favorite, every alert. I still can't belive how nice the reception to this series is.

I'll have to apologize in advance, since this is pretty much a shitty update, which I don't consider an update at all. The madness has passed. I'm over this now. I just really needed to get this out of my system.

**DISCLAIMER**: Nope.

**SUMMARY**: Sakura had always hurt Naruto and he was pretty much used to it. But this betrayal he wouldn't let slide. He'd finally had enough.

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_**Betrayal**_

Queue Naruto Uzumaki —Hokage-in-training, student of the legendary Copy Nin _and_ the Toad Sage— angrily stomping out of his long time best girl friend's room. The look of black rage on his face made even the usually apathetic Sai shiver from his seat by the breakfast nook. Sakura Haruno —Godaime Hokage's apprentice and Konoha's resident Badass Harpy Bitch Numero Uno— clung to his arm like a wet blanket as she desperately tried (and failed) to hold her favorite blond back from leaving.

"Naruto, _please_. This isn't what it looks like-" she cried out urgently.

The Jinchurriki abruptly stopped, forcing the pink-haired girl's face to collide painfully with his hard back. "Isn't it? How could you do this to me? _Me_. I _trusted_ you."

"Na-" she started, but was cut off when he spun around to pin her with such a threatening pair of eyes.

"Don't." he growled warningly, looking a tad bit like his best friend, Sasuke who was unfortunately absent from all the drama. "I don't want your stupid excuses."

It was all enough to almost make the tears spill from Sakura's eyes. "Don't go, Naruto! Don't leave! Please! I can change! I'll make it up to you!"

"**STOP**!" shouted the aggravated boy. Hurt and betrayal was evident in his scrunched up face and Sakura yet again felt sucker punched by the raw emotion he radiated. "DON'T YOU GET IT? I CAN'T BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW. I CAN'T STAND THE SIGHT OF YOU. GODDAMMIT TO HELL AND BACK, SAKURA-CHAN, HOW COULD YOU _DO_ THIS TO ME?"

"Naruto, you don't understand!" the medic insisted, "I never meant to hurt you. It was just there, calling out to me and I was too weak to ignore its temptation. Please, forgive me."

Naruto angrily shook his head and violently shrugged his female team mate off before slamming out of the front door. Sakura fell to the floor in a heap, tears and sobs making her body tremble fiercely. Sai, blank-faced but his heart bleeding for his friends, gathered Sakura in an almost comforting embrace. he smoothed a wide hand over her choppy hair and murmured, "Don't cry now. Naruto will come back."

"Oh, Sai." Sakura sobbed, "I hurt him so much."

"Yes, I know. You just need to give him some time to forgive you."

Sakura swiped her forearm against her eyes. Sai didn't get it. Would anyone? "How could he forgive me for doing such a heinous crime?" she wailed, "I ate _his_ Double Deluxe Mushroom Baconator, Sai. It was _his_."


End file.
